These first few weeks of work, I am beginning to notice that on the days I work I find it more difficult to exercise. Therefore, if I work too many days or longer hours, I am in danger of missing my goal. The past me (unaccountable to this bloggy blog), would just chalk it up to life. Let it go. And hope to exercise "someday."
But this damn blog is my arch nemesis. So, today, I needed a solution or I woulda failed this week. Lo and behold, I found ExerciseTV! I ordered a free On Demand workout (hip hop dancing!) and rocked out J.Lo-like (probably not so much) in our entertainment room before work. Hey-O!
Speaking of this freekin' blog, I freaked out yesterday after posting yesterday's blog. I was panicking, 'gosh, if I'm happy, no one's gunna want to read this thing.' I don't want to be one of those annoying go-getters that makes everyone feel so bad about themselves that they would rather run over my face with their bike pedal than hang out with me.
AND, is happiness even interesting? To quote Tolstoy in his infamous book Anna Karenina, "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
I mean, isn't that the gravitational pull of dysfunction...that we are all unique in our pain? Without it, do we join the boring masses with our Dr. Phil quotes and lush tended gardens?
If I snuff out my ill habits and "reach goals" and such, what about my snarkiness? The sarcastic "who gives a good goddamn?" Isn't there joy in that too? Acceptance? A certain nihilism that comforts? Will it all be lost? Who are we without our faults? Our tender heart-breaking vulnerabilities? Isn't that part of why our loved ones love us? Taking pride that they love us in spite of us?
And so, a question is posed...not changing of course my course here, but still...still...just tell me...do you know what I mean? Do we all just want the juicy f***'d up bits of people?
2 comments:
Oh good on you for finding a way to get your dose of exercise. I always try to fit mine into my life so it just becomes part of it (I leave my car at the school for instance and walk the two miles back and then I am forced to run down in the afternoon cos I am always disorganised and late).
You are right to an extent, I think about blogs and happy people. I am not keen on the happy shiny blogs - lovely children, pretty house, everything rosy - but some people like them. But equally I am not keen on blogs that moan all the time. I think there is a way to write in a thought-provoking way whether you are happy or sad.
Your blog has a purpose which makes it interesting and you write in a thoughtful way.
I like it a lot!
Don't worry Darcy, happiness is fleeting and changes through your life. What I found happiness to be as a child is so totally different than as an adult and it has further evolved as I've aged. It's definition keeps flitting up & away, yet I don't believe that I am any "less" happy than those childhood days. Happiness should be relished when happened upon, and you did just that! Do not be lured in by the stereotype that you can't possibility be interesting because you are happy! That stereotype is a writer's foil, as conflict is so very much easier to articulate and to wring sympathy out of your readers. Perhaps its even a cheat. Everyday we have choices to make, and happiness is as valid a choice as misery. Besides the world is filled with unhappiness - you want to add to it?
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