...in my newest guest post for The Eco Chic blog...
XOXO,
Darcy
Showing posts with label Food Fiend. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Food Fiend. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
How To Make Your Own Baby Food
First, buy this book: Baby Love: Healthy, Easy, Delicious Meals for Your Baby and Toddler
Then, follow all of their recipes :-).
No seriously. Delicious basic purees for six months and up. Apple, pear, carrot, butternut squash, pea and more. At 8 months, the recipes get a little more creative, helping your wee one's palate evolve. I love the simple, pretty instructions. You can make a few weeks worth of food in about two hours.
Making food this way is great for baby because jarred food is cooked at such a high temperature it loses a lot of the nutrients baby's need, plus it takes added preservatives to get jarred food to keep on the shelf for one to two years (what?!).
Most of all, we did a blind taste test of simple mashed bananas and Earth's Best Organic Bananas in a jar and I about died: the jarred had this really weird aftertaste and a chalky foreign texture. Side by side it was clear the superior tasting product: Fresh is Best!
Here's a mildly tweaked rendition of their Basic Apple Recipe.
1) Get five organic apples. If you live somewhere without organic as an option, then make sure to peel them first.
2) Cut each apple in half. Scoop out the steams and seeds.
3) Cut each apple half into six equal-ish slices.
4) Place apple slices in large pot with 8 ounces of purified water. Turn heat on high and cover. Cook for 8 minutes, stirring once.
5) Pour apple slices and water into blender.
6) Blend until smooth.
7) Pour into ice cube trays and allow to cool.
8) Wrap trays and place in freezer overnight.
9) Unwrap and put 'cubed' apples into quart bags. Label bags with contents and date (frozen cubes last three months in the freezer).
10) To serve, warm 2-3 cubes on the stove over low heat.
(Note: I put my cubes in a glass jar. Then, I place that jar in a pot of water that I warm. The reason? I'm pretty sure my pans are cheap and old and leech awful things, like aluminum or lead or titanium, into the food I just took all this time to specially prepare. So until I get the green to purchase safer, newer pots, I opt for caution. Plus, then I use that jar as his serving jar!)
11) Feed your fresh and tasty food to your rad little angel.
The End.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Stop What You're Doing
Having baby has been an exercise in restraint. That tight rein feels like lifetimes ago though...when I had to give up things and get used to things. NOW I'm all used to it--I hold the rein soft in my fingers. Sometimes I forget it's even there.
In January of 2010, when we found out I was pregnant, I gave up my almost weekly date with a bottle of wine. First off, you're thinking, a bottle? And I'm nodding my head yes. Did I finish it? Not always. But I always tried. Being originally from North Dakota I've been surrounded by a peer group that would argue 'that's nothing.' Now, well over a year into extreme moderation (I enjoy a glass of wine on a rare occasion), my body would most likely disagree. Do I miss it? Sometimes. But with breastfeeding and teeny babies, I don't partake in anything resembling debauchery.
While I was pregnant, I also consumed a cup of coffee per day. And when Dax was born, I upped it to two. I read that caffeine in moderation while breastfeeding would be fine. When we wondered why our infant son didn't sleep well, I quit. I wanted to eradicate any "ifs" from the equation. And I hated to admit it, but quitting caffeine helped. Dax slept easier than he ever had before.
And so here I am: boozeless, caffeine less, and even cigarette less. Stronger? Sure. In dire need of a girl's night out? Absolutely.
Instead,
we push further.
Dave has been feeling all sorts of ick lately. His job is so stressful that he has gained weight over the last year, and it's really been bothering him lately. I assure him that I think he's super hot like all the time and he like totally is, but it's hard to convince someone of that when they aren't feeling it.
So we got together and decided to do some lifestyle changes. For one, I gained a pretty hefty addiction to sugar while pregnant. And for two, even though I'm fairly thin, I don't think it's good to eat junk even if it doesn't cause weight gain. It affects the mental and long-term health. Third, eating better is on my list of to-dos this year. Last, I want to give Dax the best formulated milk EVER!
We decided to write out a list. A list of five things we wouldn't eat. We could eat anything else. Just not these things:
candy
ice cream
chips
soda
fast food
Extra caveat: Pizza only on Saturdays. That might sound silly to ya'll, but we LOVE ourselves some pizza.
Extra caveat: Once a month, we eat whatever the f we want. Coming soon...Superbowl Sunday!
And so there it is. I didn't think my addiction to sugar was that bad, until the last couple days I've had a debilitating headache and mood swings like a mad woman. It's amazing too, when you deny yourself something, it brings to light how often you reach for things.
There's our challenge. Trying to break our bad habits without being too crazy strict about it. Trying to make lifestyle changes. The theory is: when you can't reach for your go-to crap basket, you'll be forced to make healthier choices. So far we're feeling pretty good. I'll keep you posted...
What have you all done to create better eating habits?
In January of 2010, when we found out I was pregnant, I gave up my almost weekly date with a bottle of wine. First off, you're thinking, a bottle? And I'm nodding my head yes. Did I finish it? Not always. But I always tried. Being originally from North Dakota I've been surrounded by a peer group that would argue 'that's nothing.' Now, well over a year into extreme moderation (I enjoy a glass of wine on a rare occasion), my body would most likely disagree. Do I miss it? Sometimes. But with breastfeeding and teeny babies, I don't partake in anything resembling debauchery.
While I was pregnant, I also consumed a cup of coffee per day. And when Dax was born, I upped it to two. I read that caffeine in moderation while breastfeeding would be fine. When we wondered why our infant son didn't sleep well, I quit. I wanted to eradicate any "ifs" from the equation. And I hated to admit it, but quitting caffeine helped. Dax slept easier than he ever had before.
And so here I am: boozeless, caffeine less, and even cigarette less. Stronger? Sure. In dire need of a girl's night out? Absolutely.
Instead,
we push further.
Dave has been feeling all sorts of ick lately. His job is so stressful that he has gained weight over the last year, and it's really been bothering him lately. I assure him that I think he's super hot like all the time and he like totally is, but it's hard to convince someone of that when they aren't feeling it.
So we got together and decided to do some lifestyle changes. For one, I gained a pretty hefty addiction to sugar while pregnant. And for two, even though I'm fairly thin, I don't think it's good to eat junk even if it doesn't cause weight gain. It affects the mental and long-term health. Third, eating better is on my list of to-dos this year. Last, I want to give Dax the best formulated milk EVER!
We decided to write out a list. A list of five things we wouldn't eat. We could eat anything else. Just not these things:
candy
ice cream
chips
soda
fast food
Extra caveat: Pizza only on Saturdays. That might sound silly to ya'll, but we LOVE ourselves some pizza.
Extra caveat: Once a month, we eat whatever the f we want. Coming soon...Superbowl Sunday!
And so there it is. I didn't think my addiction to sugar was that bad, until the last couple days I've had a debilitating headache and mood swings like a mad woman. It's amazing too, when you deny yourself something, it brings to light how often you reach for things.
There's our challenge. Trying to break our bad habits without being too crazy strict about it. Trying to make lifestyle changes. The theory is: when you can't reach for your go-to crap basket, you'll be forced to make healthier choices. So far we're feeling pretty good. I'll keep you posted...
What have you all done to create better eating habits?
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Silhouette in Blue
I worked on the house today. It feels like the first time since we've moved in that I've had a weekend without a barbeque or wedding or visitors or out-of-town travel. I meant to get so much more done, but I'm slower now; I kind of shuffle around the house.
The last couple days I've pretty much eaten very poorly. It seems like cakes and cookies and ice cream bars are the quickest solution to my hunger pangs. How cliche are these cravings? Pre-preggo, I don't typically crave that stuff--I kind of considered the "sweet tooth" a sign of weakness. Um, yeah...I will retract that judgement for the rest of my life thankyouverymuch.
I go through stages though. While I can always make it through breakfast with some tasty fruit and whole grain Cheerios or english muffin, the nighttimes kind of are like hit or miss. It depends on how much I feel like cooking. Today? Not so much...
Dax's room is filling up with his toys and sheeps and baby things that keep arriving in the mail. I started a pile by his pack-n-play. I love looking at it. I love imagining him sleeping there. I love imagining his cry, his smile, his presence. I smile all by myself sometimes.
Who are you, little man?
You're my heart. You're my heart.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Dependence Day
It's been gloomy here in San Diego the last few days. I wonder where the sun is. Doesn't this city know that it's summer?
I worry about the changes in my life. I have moments where I feel out of control. Last night I started crying for every reason in the world and none at all.
With my brother moved in, we are making room for him. Not just in the house. We are adjusting our hearts, our time, our space. I've been spoiled with Dave; we've carved out a world for us. But that's the thing about that: it just doesn't work for everybody. I can't get my way all the time. I think it's good my brother challenges me. He won't let me pick out the violet bath towels for the bathroom. I huff and puff. I let go. We settled on cerulean blue.
I'm not sure if he's happy about our compromise. He's been in his room all day. I think I might tap on his door. No. I think I'll let it go.
He bought a stand mixer last night at Macy's. You know, one of those fancy ones that make you want to bake cakes? Today, he ordered three vanilla beans online. He's plans to make a red velvet cake, thick with cream cheese. I anticipate this cake with pregnant furry. I too look to that machine excitedly. I have vanilla buttercream dreams.
I made a flag cake for fourth of July. My first cake from scratch EVER. The cake reminded me of my Grandma, who used to make them at the lake cabin on Lake Melissa in Minnesota every Independence Day. She just turned 90 years old. I wonder how proud she'd be of my flag cake, inspired by those sparkler and bonfire nights by the lake? Where the fireflies flit around the lampposts and the sounds of our young squeals echo as we sprint down the wooden dock in that long ago past.
I worry about the changes in my life. I have moments where I feel out of control. Last night I started crying for every reason in the world and none at all.
With my brother moved in, we are making room for him. Not just in the house. We are adjusting our hearts, our time, our space. I've been spoiled with Dave; we've carved out a world for us. But that's the thing about that: it just doesn't work for everybody. I can't get my way all the time. I think it's good my brother challenges me. He won't let me pick out the violet bath towels for the bathroom. I huff and puff. I let go. We settled on cerulean blue.
I'm not sure if he's happy about our compromise. He's been in his room all day. I think I might tap on his door. No. I think I'll let it go.
He bought a stand mixer last night at Macy's. You know, one of those fancy ones that make you want to bake cakes? Today, he ordered three vanilla beans online. He's plans to make a red velvet cake, thick with cream cheese. I anticipate this cake with pregnant furry. I too look to that machine excitedly. I have vanilla buttercream dreams.
I made a flag cake for fourth of July. My first cake from scratch EVER. The cake reminded me of my Grandma, who used to make them at the lake cabin on Lake Melissa in Minnesota every Independence Day. She just turned 90 years old. I wonder how proud she'd be of my flag cake, inspired by those sparkler and bonfire nights by the lake? Where the fireflies flit around the lampposts and the sounds of our young squeals echo as we sprint down the wooden dock in that long ago past.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Martha, Martha, Martha
I've got domesticity on my mind. The days are just me. Long and lonely and beige. I tap my words into this computer all day, hearing them in my bones, but not aloud. I'm happy. But I'm so silent. Life has never been so still.
As the sun hurdles itself through the sky all day, the light changes. The colors in the living room dull in the evening, and Dave will be home soon. I get up to prepare dinner. It's my favorite part of the day.
The Macy's registry changed my life. (p.s. don't register at Target. You would buy yourself anything from Target. Nothing could stop you and you know it. Register a little bit out of your league. Make it special.). Did you know a more expensive pan actually helps cook the food more evenly? Or that a fancy 4-slot toaster makes cooking quicker AND more stylish?
1)Citrus Press - In her signature Martha blue, this sturdy little number is made of iron or something it's so hefty. Forget hand-squeezing those lemons, just cut em in half, pop it in, a voila--easy peesie.
2) Vegetable Steamer - As cute as it is functional, this old school steamer doesn't plug in. Fill the bottom of a pot with water, put your new steamer in there (it folds open like a flower and closed to fit almost any size), put your broccoli and carrots in there, cover for a bit and voila! Toss your clunky plug-in model in the trash. 
As the sun hurdles itself through the sky all day, the light changes. The colors in the living room dull in the evening, and Dave will be home soon. I get up to prepare dinner. It's my favorite part of the day.
Cooking calms me. It's me & me, nodding to music, moving through the yellow light in the kitchen. It's quaint and slow; the sound of chopping vegetables makes me feel purposeful, deliberate.
When Dave and I got married, I broke down near the end and did a wedding registry. I didn't think I wanted one. I thought we had everything we needed, having already lived together for four years. I also thought I was better than such frivolties. I was wrong. On all accounts.
You see, when one buys items for oneself with oneself's own money, certain things are compromised. For example, quality. Why would I buy a $20 cookie pan, when I can purchase one for $3? Also, convenience often trumps as well. Why would I trek to Williams-Sonoma when three Super Targets exist within three square miles of my abode?
Up until the wedding, I had been living in The Now. If I needed to make roasted vegetables, I'd pick up a $5 pan at the grocery store. Did my toaster break? Buy another one--heck they're only 10 bucks! The result? A kitchen full of cheap, mismatched shit.
The Macy's registry changed my life. (p.s. don't register at Target. You would buy yourself anything from Target. Nothing could stop you and you know it. Register a little bit out of your league. Make it special.). Did you know a more expensive pan actually helps cook the food more evenly? Or that a fancy 4-slot toaster makes cooking quicker AND more stylish?
I got china that I'll surely pass onto my children. I got embroidered table runners that will make me the coolest party host EVER. I got a thick cutting board made out of bamboo that I use everyday. And to quell any protests about the impersonality of registries, I do remember who gifted me what and thank them frequently.
But today, I want to tribute Martha Stewart. She's like a cooking inventor or something. Here's three super cool AND super cute tools I got and use frequently. You don't even realize how much you need them until you have them. Get them. Now. I don't work for macy's or anything, but I think these items are only available there. Imagine how cool you'll be...
1)Citrus Press - In her signature Martha blue, this sturdy little number is made of iron or something it's so hefty. Forget hand-squeezing those lemons, just cut em in half, pop it in, a voila--easy peesie.
2) Vegetable Steamer - As cute as it is functional, this old school steamer doesn't plug in. Fill the bottom of a pot with water, put your new steamer in there (it folds open like a flower and closed to fit almost any size), put your broccoli and carrots in there, cover for a bit and voila! Toss your clunky plug-in model in the trash. 3) Over-the-sink Colander - Stop precariously pouring hot water and macaroni into your old plastic colander. You're losing good macaroni! This wire mesh colander is adjusts to fit over your sink, so you can pour within worrying about whether your colander will tip. I even wash veggies in it. 
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Day 35 - Bull Sshh...
I feel so all or nothing. As I watch my eating habits this week slide hard into pizza and diet coke land this week, I rebel wholeheartedly against my "goals." I'm pissed at them. I want to throw rocks at them. They're too hard I whine. I can't.
Perhaps it's the heading out of town throwing things a little off-kilter. I'm a Taurus, which according to absolute astrological hearsay, means I dig routine and stability and ABHOR change. Like a bull. Sure, it resonates so I'll take it, but f&$#, I'm feeling overwhelmed.
I want to throw it all away.
I thought this confessional-type blog today would help me buck-up and 'just do it,' but my self-violence refreshingly produces the opposite effect: I need to take it easy on myself. (sigh of relief)
1) Art for creation and consumption: delayed until Monday due to glorious nuptials of close friend in the sizzling desert
2) Food: failed this week. oh well.
3) Book seriously blows. Needs eval asap.
4) Exercise: I got this!
(double sigh of relief) Conclusion: All or nothing is not a healthy attitude for goal-reaching. No need for toxic perfectionism. If there's a stumble, get up and give it another go.
Or how bout' my mother's infamous advice: "If you can't reach your goals, lower them." Um, that's good advice right?
Perhaps it's the heading out of town throwing things a little off-kilter. I'm a Taurus, which according to absolute astrological hearsay, means I dig routine and stability and ABHOR change. Like a bull. Sure, it resonates so I'll take it, but f&$#, I'm feeling overwhelmed.
I want to throw it all away.
I thought this confessional-type blog today would help me buck-up and 'just do it,' but my self-violence refreshingly produces the opposite effect: I need to take it easy on myself. (sigh of relief)
1) Art for creation and consumption: delayed until Monday due to glorious nuptials of close friend in the sizzling desert
2) Food: failed this week. oh well.
3) Book seriously blows. Needs eval asap.
4) Exercise: I got this!
(double sigh of relief) Conclusion: All or nothing is not a healthy attitude for goal-reaching. No need for toxic perfectionism. If there's a stumble, get up and give it another go.
Or how bout' my mother's infamous advice: "If you can't reach your goals, lower them." Um, that's good advice right?
Monday, July 6, 2009
Day 26 - Confessions: It's a Learning Curve
I failed last week. That's right. F.a.i.l.e.d. I missed my exercise goal for the first time (by two!), and like a domino, I ate whatever the last two days of the week. I'm not tore up about it. I'm not going to cry about it. Geeezzzz....
Why's that? Because I learned, that's why! (I read in a book somewhere that it's best to see failure as a chance to do better next time and that perfection was kind of a disease and since this all works conveniently well with my experiential experience right now I'm going to go ahead and run with it...).
First, I need to force consistency with my time i.e. getting up at the same time every day (not my strong suit...sleeping till noon is not uncommon). Secondly, need more food readily available. Solution: purchase more at farmer's market this week. Thirdly, exercise-wise: plan ahead for oddities like vacays and holidays...
O.k. All fessed up.
pause
breathe
begin again...
Sometimes I love Dave so much I want to eat my arm. Like the other day in the grocery store, he was intently searching for something in the deli aisle. Suddenly he murmured, "I'm looking for summer sausage...I can't find one I want..."
Then he turned to me with his eyes wide, he pointed into the freezer at the labels and said so seriously, "I want it to be just all-beef. Why are all of them beef AND turkey? WHY would I even want a combo meat? What's wrong with just one or the other?!"
Why's that? Because I learned, that's why! (I read in a book somewhere that it's best to see failure as a chance to do better next time and that perfection was kind of a disease and since this all works conveniently well with my experiential experience right now I'm going to go ahead and run with it...).
First, I need to force consistency with my time i.e. getting up at the same time every day (not my strong suit...sleeping till noon is not uncommon). Secondly, need more food readily available. Solution: purchase more at farmer's market this week. Thirdly, exercise-wise: plan ahead for oddities like vacays and holidays...
O.k. All fessed up.
pause
breathe
begin again...
Sometimes I love Dave so much I want to eat my arm. Like the other day in the grocery store, he was intently searching for something in the deli aisle. Suddenly he murmured, "I'm looking for summer sausage...I can't find one I want..."
Then he turned to me with his eyes wide, he pointed into the freezer at the labels and said so seriously, "I want it to be just all-beef. Why are all of them beef AND turkey? WHY would I even want a combo meat? What's wrong with just one or the other?!"
He was so genuinely flabbergasted. I don't know, but the look of conviction on his face as he stood there looking at me (he really wanted an answer), it just made me giggle and warm to the core. I agreed and love-him-so for being so upset about it. I mean, he IS right for pete's sake.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Day 20 - Food Coloring
Oh Today...how you loved me! Wrapped me in your arms and hugged me. You were all sunshine and big trees and flowers. You were farmer's markets and yoga classes. You were fresh fruits and whole grains. You even gave me sunset in the canyon. Oh Today, You were a dream.
After eating a breakfast of hearty cereal with a hot mug of coffee and cream, I made words for the book and then moseyed on down to the local farmer's market--it's every Tuesday in my neighborhood!
Oh the food, the food, the fresh colorful tasty food! A rainbow of tents sold local organic fruits and vegetables, fresh honey and hummus, jams and juices, herbs and flowers. I cash-exchanged for bags of yummy colors and strawberries that remind me of my childhood (the strawberry fields near Fargo...follow the gravel road, grab your basket...pluck them off the vines).
It's pure laziness what I do! Or convenience. We are going so fast. Today, this experience of getting so close to the source of my food reminds me how far away we normally ARE from the source of our food. Grocery stores are huge and fluorescent and how long HOW LONG did it take to get there?
At night, after yoga and the back-to-home stunning sunset drive, I chopped vegetables and boiled wild rice, while popping strawberries in my mouth. I felt utterly fulfilled.
What I need to know, need to remember, is that I always have access to this amount of happiness. It's a choice. I think back to only three short weeks ago; I'm in a funk, anxiety-filled and couch-bound, wondering what the next move was. And I want to slap that girl--'Wake up! You are lucky and blessed and the world is beautiful!'
I know I still have work to do...
But Today, oh Today,
how you loved me.
After eating a breakfast of hearty cereal with a hot mug of coffee and cream, I made words for the book and then moseyed on down to the local farmer's market--it's every Tuesday in my neighborhood!
Oh the food, the food, the fresh colorful tasty food! A rainbow of tents sold local organic fruits and vegetables, fresh honey and hummus, jams and juices, herbs and flowers. I cash-exchanged for bags of yummy colors and strawberries that remind me of my childhood (the strawberry fields near Fargo...follow the gravel road, grab your basket...pluck them off the vines).
It's pure laziness what I do! Or convenience. We are going so fast. Today, this experience of getting so close to the source of my food reminds me how far away we normally ARE from the source of our food. Grocery stores are huge and fluorescent and how long HOW LONG did it take to get there?
At night, after yoga and the back-to-home stunning sunset drive, I chopped vegetables and boiled wild rice, while popping strawberries in my mouth. I felt utterly fulfilled.
What I need to know, need to remember, is that I always have access to this amount of happiness. It's a choice. I think back to only three short weeks ago; I'm in a funk, anxiety-filled and couch-bound, wondering what the next move was. And I want to slap that girl--'Wake up! You are lucky and blessed and the world is beautiful!'
I know I still have work to do...
But Today, oh Today,
how you loved me.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Day 19 - The times, they are a' changin'
Started my "diet" today. I crave salt and grease, bread and cheese (my faves). Eating poorly is an addiction too. It's the food that calms, that slows the thumping heart, acts like a sedative. It's eating to fulfill a need, and I don't mean the need to stay alive. I mean that one that wants the white sugar--white bread and white sugar--or in other words, the middle-class crack.
The craving reminds me of cigarettes. I want to pump the drug into my system; I need it to relax. I need it to forget. I need it so my body can disengage from my mind. Sink into the couch, numbed by the habit. Knowing better. Junkie, junkie, there you are...
Eating copious amounts of white sugar surely isn't bagged on as much as puffing on cigs, but it's almost equally destructive. And I am a bread lover. And a pizza lover. And a chip lover. And a Cheetos lover. And a chocolate lover. And french fries make my world go round.
And of course, I'm addicted to the high of these salty snacky comfort foods. Their dense sedation lures me on every menu. Sure, I look at the salads and think yum, but by the time the waitress comes, I'm ordering my taste buds a heaping plate of stuffyourface. Bacon cheeseburger with fries...oh heck yeah.
And I have to admit, I'm a very lucky girl, insomuch as I've been able to really eat whatever I want my entire life without much consequence. I've been blessed with a very good metabolism. I have a body I'm happy with, which I know, is a gift. Most people who do have to work at staying thin, probably want to punch me in the face--'it just ain't fair' they say.
And I agree. Mostly because there's reasons beyond vanity to eat well. While it might not show on the outside, it surely wrecks havoc on the inside, and on my mood, my emotions, and on my ability to see and feel clearly. And while right now I have youth on my side, in the long-term, I just won't be so lucky.
But that's not to say I'm not without specific motivations. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with a mild case of Hashimoto's thyroiditis, which is an autoimmune disease that basically eats your thyroid gland alive. It's not serious they say, but to me it is. And eating like shit surely's got something to do with the fact that my body wants to attack itself to save me.
They prescribed me a pill and said 'take this every single day for the rest of your life.' I asked them if diet and health would affect something like this and they said 'no no no. No one's sure how/why it starts and it's irreversible.'
I never even filled the prescription. But for the next three months I did three things: quit smoking, ate better, and exercised. When I went back, they checked my levels again and said 'Well Darcy, looks like the medication is working well!' Needless to say, I wasn't shocked.
Since then, I have obviously went back to my bad habit ways, and god knows where these levels are at now--I'm scared to find out. But I gottagottagotta know because I can't be laissez faire or righteous about this medication if I really truly need it, especially if Dave and I decide to grow a little Kaushagen in the next couple years. But I HATE medication, synthetics in my system. So before I go in to check levels, I gottagottagottagottagotta give it my best shot. For good. No really, 'for good.'
The craving reminds me of cigarettes. I want to pump the drug into my system; I need it to relax. I need it to forget. I need it so my body can disengage from my mind. Sink into the couch, numbed by the habit. Knowing better. Junkie, junkie, there you are...
Eating copious amounts of white sugar surely isn't bagged on as much as puffing on cigs, but it's almost equally destructive. And I am a bread lover. And a pizza lover. And a chip lover. And a Cheetos lover. And a chocolate lover. And french fries make my world go round.
And of course, I'm addicted to the high of these salty snacky comfort foods. Their dense sedation lures me on every menu. Sure, I look at the salads and think yum, but by the time the waitress comes, I'm ordering my taste buds a heaping plate of stuffyourface. Bacon cheeseburger with fries...oh heck yeah.
And I have to admit, I'm a very lucky girl, insomuch as I've been able to really eat whatever I want my entire life without much consequence. I've been blessed with a very good metabolism. I have a body I'm happy with, which I know, is a gift. Most people who do have to work at staying thin, probably want to punch me in the face--'it just ain't fair' they say.
And I agree. Mostly because there's reasons beyond vanity to eat well. While it might not show on the outside, it surely wrecks havoc on the inside, and on my mood, my emotions, and on my ability to see and feel clearly. And while right now I have youth on my side, in the long-term, I just won't be so lucky.
But that's not to say I'm not without specific motivations. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with a mild case of Hashimoto's thyroiditis, which is an autoimmune disease that basically eats your thyroid gland alive. It's not serious they say, but to me it is. And eating like shit surely's got something to do with the fact that my body wants to attack itself to save me.
They prescribed me a pill and said 'take this every single day for the rest of your life.' I asked them if diet and health would affect something like this and they said 'no no no. No one's sure how/why it starts and it's irreversible.'
I never even filled the prescription. But for the next three months I did three things: quit smoking, ate better, and exercised. When I went back, they checked my levels again and said 'Well Darcy, looks like the medication is working well!' Needless to say, I wasn't shocked.
Since then, I have obviously went back to my bad habit ways, and god knows where these levels are at now--I'm scared to find out. But I gottagottagotta know because I can't be laissez faire or righteous about this medication if I really truly need it, especially if Dave and I decide to grow a little Kaushagen in the next couple years. But I HATE medication, synthetics in my system. So before I go in to check levels, I gottagottagottagottagotta give it my best shot. For good. No really, 'for good.'
Friday, June 26, 2009
Day 16 - Updates and/or Cat Fancy
In a hurry tonight, as haven't had time all day to stroke these writing fires, worked all day and then had a friend from out of town visit so I'll just be short here.
All is well on the change front. I am surprised I'm still craving cigarettes. My mind is so over them, but sometimes my body does not comply. Hopefully in the next week I'll be able to forget.
Getting terrified about upcoming diet changes, stuffing myself silly. Even worse cause I still feel withdrawals acutely.
Waiting to hear back on volunteering...why why why? I told you I'd work for FREE, I don't know why I'm not hearing responses yet. I'm begging people to work for free and not even able to get a "job." Wowser, economy really does blow.
Exercise: I'm in danger of being short this week, especially after today. Gunna hafta work out Sat. and Sun.
P.S. Have I introduced you to my cats? Maybe their charming faces will distract you from the uselessness of this post. Love, D
Together, Trick and Diego, checking out the San Diego scenery. Livin' the dream....
All is well on the change front. I am surprised I'm still craving cigarettes. My mind is so over them, but sometimes my body does not comply. Hopefully in the next week I'll be able to forget.
Getting terrified about upcoming diet changes, stuffing myself silly. Even worse cause I still feel withdrawals acutely.
Waiting to hear back on volunteering...why why why? I told you I'd work for FREE, I don't know why I'm not hearing responses yet. I'm begging people to work for free and not even able to get a "job." Wowser, economy really does blow.
Exercise: I'm in danger of being short this week, especially after today. Gunna hafta work out Sat. and Sun.
P.S. Have I introduced you to my cats? Maybe their charming faces will distract you from the uselessness of this post. Love, D
Name & Age: Trick Daddy, age 6
Back story: found abandoned or lost at age 1 near Dave's Tempe condo in 2004
Real Story: He adopted us.
Personality: Sensitive, smart, neurotic
Name & Age: Diego, 10 months old
Backstory: found abandoned by mother at 3 weeks old (he was the size of my palm!), grew up in a vent in the back of a California motel. Near death, had fleas and a fungus overgrown on foot. Drove him home to Phoenix, bottle-fed, rid fleas and fungus. Now a healthy happy little dude. Real Story: He's happy to be back in Cali, although his name is not nearly as clever here. Personality: Playful, charming, social
Together, Trick and Diego, checking out the San Diego scenery. Livin' the dream....
O.k. I might have to change this blog to Cat Fancy part deux if I don't stop here. In case you're worried, no more cats for us, full capacity. And two, yes, I do, I adore them.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Day 14 - Bloated Post
I almost forgot I quit smoking, until I realized I mowed down two plates of pizza rolls, one mini frozen pizza, half a bagel with cream cheese, two diet cokes, two cookies, and a banana--all by mid-afternoon. Well o.k., truth be told, I really didn't even realize it completely until I called up Dave and asked him to pick me up a chocolate malt and french fries on his way home from work. Even though I was stuffed.
Then it hit me. Why was I so anxiously stuffing myself? Oh yes, that's right...I was on Day Ten of not smoking, and to replace my lung-rusting addiction, I've decided instead to kill myself via complete artery clognation. Hurray!
And soooo...it reminds me that I got only a short leash left on the white sugar carb train. My healthy eating foray begins on Monday. I gave myself two weeks of shoveling face after quitting smoking to ease the pain of letting go. Right now, I can definitely say, as Monday sprints at me, I am questioning my sanity.
However, in the spirit of trial-by-fire human research, I am starting to notice a very defined pattern in all this goal-setting business. It seems before every new implementation, there's always wild internal mind resistance. Lots of reasons why not. Can'ts and won't works.
And while this particular goal actually might deserve the largest amount of real fear, considering it will probably be hands-down the hardest to maintain/sustain, I do believe, I am starting to not give a flying fuck.
To the future and beyond! (o.k. I might've had too much sugar today AND perhaps I'm guilty of mock bravado here AND I'll post the more specifics of my healthy eating tenents as I inch closer to the edge...)
Then it hit me. Why was I so anxiously stuffing myself? Oh yes, that's right...I was on Day Ten of not smoking, and to replace my lung-rusting addiction, I've decided instead to kill myself via complete artery clognation. Hurray!
And soooo...it reminds me that I got only a short leash left on the white sugar carb train. My healthy eating foray begins on Monday. I gave myself two weeks of shoveling face after quitting smoking to ease the pain of letting go. Right now, I can definitely say, as Monday sprints at me, I am questioning my sanity.
However, in the spirit of trial-by-fire human research, I am starting to notice a very defined pattern in all this goal-setting business. It seems before every new implementation, there's always wild internal mind resistance. Lots of reasons why not. Can'ts and won't works.
And while this particular goal actually might deserve the largest amount of real fear, considering it will probably be hands-down the hardest to maintain/sustain, I do believe, I am starting to not give a flying fuck.
To the future and beyond! (o.k. I might've had too much sugar today AND perhaps I'm guilty of mock bravado here AND I'll post the more specifics of my healthy eating tenents as I inch closer to the edge...)
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Day Seven - Oh Why This?
I'm eating ice cream and pizza. Soda and chips. Mostly because it feels like my lungs want to lunge out of my chest. My throat screams at itself. I'm getting too much oxygen. My head is heavy and breathing. All I know about today is that I want to sleep, so I don't have to feel my uncomfortable body as it fights with my head. My head keeps calmly placing my starving addiction in the corner: No, sit, stay here. It's for your own good.
I somehow made it through work feeling light and nice. Stumbling through customer questions, remembering not so much, feeling satisfied.
A few hours, and it's yoga. I think thank goodness. We'll see. It's the beginning of it, haven't exercised this much since college perhaps. Can't remember what it feels like to be full of health. If ever there was...
Wondering if my personality hinges on my downfalls, my negative selfs. Or worse, wonder if this chasing perfection is just an American obsession that is actually pure narcissism? Have I fallen victim to a cliche?
So why want this, I ask myself. And the answer is many-fold. First, just to follow a nagging feeling. Secondly, I feel like I have a real opportunity and genuine perspective right now to actually try and see what happens. Perhaps nothing does, and I simply feel better. I want to know what that means--to feel better.
Also, I have this annoying tug that tells me 'Most people do way more than you.' And it makes me feel guilty. Because I'm able-bodied and smart. I didn't have a tragic childhood, and people tend to like me (debatable, I know). Shouldn't I have done more by now?
And so, I figure, now's a great time, as good as any, to tackle the things I've always thought I wanted to do, small or large. Even if I don't think they add up to any one thing, or career, atleast I'm doing something. I'm very much hoping this attempt will atleast remove the low-grade discontent and restlessness. It's pretty much the only good idea I have left.
I'm not sure if it's good enough, or even hits the mark. But I really have a sneaking suspicion that it really was this easy all along. Do what you know will make you feel good. And you do know what it is, I'll betcha. Most people don't do that (me included) because it's just too scary or time-consuming, and deep-down, we're afraid to win.
I somehow made it through work feeling light and nice. Stumbling through customer questions, remembering not so much, feeling satisfied.
A few hours, and it's yoga. I think thank goodness. We'll see. It's the beginning of it, haven't exercised this much since college perhaps. Can't remember what it feels like to be full of health. If ever there was...
Wondering if my personality hinges on my downfalls, my negative selfs. Or worse, wonder if this chasing perfection is just an American obsession that is actually pure narcissism? Have I fallen victim to a cliche?
So why want this, I ask myself. And the answer is many-fold. First, just to follow a nagging feeling. Secondly, I feel like I have a real opportunity and genuine perspective right now to actually try and see what happens. Perhaps nothing does, and I simply feel better. I want to know what that means--to feel better.
Also, I have this annoying tug that tells me 'Most people do way more than you.' And it makes me feel guilty. Because I'm able-bodied and smart. I didn't have a tragic childhood, and people tend to like me (debatable, I know). Shouldn't I have done more by now?
And so, I figure, now's a great time, as good as any, to tackle the things I've always thought I wanted to do, small or large. Even if I don't think they add up to any one thing, or career, atleast I'm doing something. I'm very much hoping this attempt will atleast remove the low-grade discontent and restlessness. It's pretty much the only good idea I have left.
I'm not sure if it's good enough, or even hits the mark. But I really have a sneaking suspicion that it really was this easy all along. Do what you know will make you feel good. And you do know what it is, I'll betcha. Most people don't do that (me included) because it's just too scary or time-consuming, and deep-down, we're afraid to win.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Day Two - Wait for it...
Today is Day Two of this 365 days of change. Do I feel different? No. Writing this, writing here, doesn't change me. I'm saddened by that. Isn't it enough to just SAY what's up, what's next?
Gearing up mentally for Monday--it's quit day. Stage one of multiple complex goals that lead to, who knows. For now, I'm enjoying my cigarettes. Relishing them actually. Thinking that maybe, perhaps, days won't be the same without them. The interior junkie is obnoxious, a sometimes friend. This junkie also likes pizza and pepperoni and won't go down without a fight. It's a weak day--a day without enlightment. Thoughts are small and repetitive. I need more coffee. Cheers to you, Junkie, I'll think of you in the quiet moments before bed.
Waiting for a call for a j.o.b. This is another portion of the 'do this first, then do that,' goal matrix I now own in my head. Normally, these things can be patterned out, portioned into an outline...1, then 2, and 3. But logically, I can't find the timeline. Do them all simultaneously? Or one by one? I hear the words of smart others, "don't have too many goals at one time." Recipe for failure, they say. But I'm afraid not to.
Gearing up mentally for Monday--it's quit day. Stage one of multiple complex goals that lead to, who knows. For now, I'm enjoying my cigarettes. Relishing them actually. Thinking that maybe, perhaps, days won't be the same without them. The interior junkie is obnoxious, a sometimes friend. This junkie also likes pizza and pepperoni and won't go down without a fight. It's a weak day--a day without enlightment. Thoughts are small and repetitive. I need more coffee. Cheers to you, Junkie, I'll think of you in the quiet moments before bed.
Waiting for a call for a j.o.b. This is another portion of the 'do this first, then do that,' goal matrix I now own in my head. Normally, these things can be patterned out, portioned into an outline...1, then 2, and 3. But logically, I can't find the timeline. Do them all simultaneously? Or one by one? I hear the words of smart others, "don't have too many goals at one time." Recipe for failure, they say. But I'm afraid not to.
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