Day 36 - Road Trip

I heart road trips. And for the first time in a long time, I'm driving alone--from ocean to desert. While the frantic morning zips by, the promise of grey road and blue sky beckons. In the car, the stereo sounds the steady voice of an audiobook gifted to me by my wonderful mother-in-law. As an audiobook first-timer, I'm pleasantly surprised by how quickly I am absolutely ensconced in the true story account of the humanitarian hero Greg Mortenson in the book "Three Cups of Tea."

I listen and choke back tears as the story of his fantastical struggles to build schools and medical centers in remote regions of Pakistan unfolds during the picturesque drive. It reminds me of my yet-to-be-tackled volunteering goal. My spirit renewed, I promise to follow through. One of the things I find the most heart-breaking and unnecessary in today's modern world, is the extreme poverty, hunger, and lack of medical help of our Third World countries.

As if by divine "coincidence", I turn on my lap top to check my email when I reach Phoenix, and a message awaits from one of my first and fave organizations to volunteer for, "Planting Peace," which provides medical treatments and education and sustainable solutions to some of the world's most impoverished regions. I am ecstatic to hear from them, as I sent several emails (as explained, the address was unmanned, oops) a few weeks ago. I hope to help soon.

So, in Phoenix, I immediately traveled to a nearby fave hip and arty wine bar to meet two of my best girl friends for pinot noir and bruschetta in celebration of B's last night as a single girl. Their pitch-perfect company, rift with our smart girl humor and airtight analyzations (of course we're right, guys), rendered me happy and blessed. This much-needed night wiped away my recent loneliness. Sigh of relief. Sigh of relief.

But sadly, and I'm just going to say this (I'm really just hoping no one's reading this far down): Like an animal out of a cage, my bliss led me--right before returning home in a half-drunk happy stupor--to smoke one half of one cigarette. Arg.

So there it is. I said it. Am I disappointed? yes. Crushed? yes. Self-mad? yes. Is there anything I can do to change it? no. Is there anything I can do to change the future? yes.

I contemplate some form of self-punishment, or implementation of road blocks to this result. No drinking? No celebration attendance? No vacations? Kidding, but kinda seriously, these are my i-want-to-smoke Achilles heels. I need suggestions/ideas...how to make-it-right and not slip again? Prevent unraveling?

Sigh. And then slap my own face.

Anyhoo...let's end with pictures from the long drive into the desert...

Day 28 - Volunteering: It Doesn't Pay

Does anyone else volunteer? What are your interests/causes/cares? Any ideas or orgs for me to check out? I'm feeling a little stumped...

Back in Arizona, I went to several "orientations" and even volunteered a few times. In each case, the organization itself would disappoint or I became turned off by the actual work. So what did I do? O, my fave--I quit.

But now I want to change remember? Act differently to achieve different results. As my father would say, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

This goal is a must. Why you ask? Because For Gawd's Sake I'm Spoiled Rotten in life. I'm not sick or poor, beaten, abandoned or malformed. I should be able to stop the darcydarcydarcy noise for a bit and spare a few hours a week! There's people out there who need people.

But here's my thing...I've been looking and I can't really decide on anything. I want three things outta all this: 1) that it's something I care about 2) directly impactful and 3) dare I say, fun.

And there it is. I feel bad about myself that I can't find anything yet. When I peruse the volunteer "opportunities," shouldn't I be bursting with give-edness? Am I as cold as ice?

Day 16 - Updates and/or Cat Fancy

In a hurry tonight, as haven't had time all day to stroke these writing fires, worked all day and then had a friend from out of town visit so I'll just be short here.

All is well on the change front. I am surprised I'm still craving cigarettes. My mind is so over them, but sometimes my body does not comply. Hopefully in the next week I'll be able to forget.

Getting terrified about upcoming diet changes, stuffing myself silly. Even worse cause I still feel withdrawals acutely.

Waiting to hear back on volunteering...why why why? I told you I'd work for FREE, I don't know why I'm not hearing responses yet. I'm begging people to work for free and not even able to get a "job." Wowser, economy really does blow.

Exercise: I'm in danger of being short this week, especially after today. Gunna hafta work out Sat. and Sun.

P.S. Have I introduced you to my cats? Maybe their charming faces will distract you from the uselessness of this post. Love, D

Name & Age: Trick Daddy, age 6

Back story: found abandoned or lost at age 1 near Dave's Tempe condo in 2004

Real Story: He adopted us.

Personality: Sensitive, smart, neurotic

Name & Age: Diego, 10 months old
Backstory: found abandoned by mother at 3 weeks old (he was the size of my palm!), grew up in a vent in the back of a California motel. Near death, had fleas and a fungus overgrown on foot. Drove him home to Phoenix, bottle-fed, rid fleas and fungus. Now a healthy happy little dude. Real Story: He's happy to be back in Cali, although his name is not nearly as clever here. Personality: Playful, charming, social

Together, Trick and Diego, checking out the San Diego scenery. Livin' the dream....

O.k. I might have to change this blog to Cat Fancy part deux if I don't stop here. In case you're worried, no more cats for us, full capacity. And two, yes, I do, I adore them.