Heart is pounding. Refridgerator humming, makes me anxious. I'm hungry and not hungry, chewing gum. Pass, day, pass. Sunshine streams through, isn't it a happy day? Shouldn't you be free? Stop yelling at yourself.
Junkie, junkie. You're a maniac. A down right slovenly f@&#. If I could see you I'd punch you in the nose. A mirror? No, no--it's not me, it's him.
Quitting smoking is a little like an exorcism. Screaming ghost, go away. When does the pain peak? Oh tomorrow and the next; this isn't the worst of it. It's physical for days. Then it's weeks of mental.
The Dalai Lama thinks change is facilitated more readily by a sense of urgency. If we only knew the potential of our body and soul to bring about goodness, then we might adopt habits and goals quickly. 'Think about death' is his kind of advice. You won't be here forever, so every moment is precious. These thoughts might catapult us to change.
And so I think about it, as I look to my next tasks. Eating well...exercise....out of debt...work on 'the book'...a piece of art. Am I supposed to do this right NOW? With urgency. I beg myself to wait, wait, wait.
I want to keep pushing myself, because I want real change. I pick yoga/pilates/exercise as next task. Starting tomorrow, five days a week. This is one of those even harder more continuous goals. A job is a one-time thing: get one. Quitting smoking is a one-time thing: just quit. The pain of these wears off. I'm better at goals like that. Much better.
But exercising five days a week, that means fighting your inner complaints and lethargy five times a week. Stuffing a sock in the mouth of Lazy, another funny friend. Lazy and Junkie love each other. BFF's, two peas in a pod. What if I don't even recognize myself? I'm afraid. Of real change.
1 comment:
LOL about the chewing gum thing. I swear I go through like 5-10 pieces a day. But only the sugary stuff! I mean it: double bubble or original bubble yum--does help with the bloat and the cravings.
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