Day Three - Pizza Rolls and Sunshine

I got meese a job! And proceeded to drink a bottle of wine--happy and go-lucky, jabbering on the phone. I haven't work worked since the campaign, three months of blissful 80-100 hour work weeks. Never worked so hard, yet minded so little. The tragedy of the last eight years under Bush and Dick rendered me heart-broken. And callous. Compelled to act. Thank god for the outcome.

Before that, I was writing for she-devils and warlords at a glossy magazine. Pained me every day just driving to work, then listen to the click-clack-clack of heels, the screaming nothing of blahblahblah. It was a blessing when I got economically-faulted "laid off," a gynormous relief not to belong.

To get what I thought I wanted all along--a job there--peeled open my eyes. This is it? This is what I wanted all these years of writing/writing/writing in my living room for thismagazine here and thatmagazine there, holding titles (while suffocating) to beef my resume so I could finally land something worthwhile down the line--something practical, something for my future, my almighty career?

At the end, awarded with misery and despair. Now my badges of honor. A source of pride that give me pure and unquestionable knowledge: I don't want that life. I gotta back up. Think again. Or don't think. Don't worry about what it looks like from the outside, if people deem me "successful" or not. Forget your "future," what's silent and beautiful "right now"? Feed your soul.

And so, this new job...it's part-time. But it gives me the giggles, I'm so happy. I'm back to selling art supplies and framing pictures. Remniscient of something I did in college, and loved it. No desk. Surrounded by color. Conversations with artists. Discount supplies for my own work. A part-time gig of not-so-early hours that still allows me the time (and energy) to work on words and art. The real creative kind, the little lovelies I love. The ones I have shoved in the back of my journals and sketchbooks, under the category: unsellable therefore useless.

So Day Three is full of sunshine. One goal down, already feeling a bit transformed and liberated. Letting go of that belief system that caused me to act as if my job was the whole of it. Maybe this is a form of enlightment (I'm reaching here). But this checked goal is definitely the background color for the next year. I believe it's yellow.