This blog started out very personal for me. I began it in 2009, just one month after moving to San Diego. Two months after our wedding. Childless & a fresh 30 years old. It was meant to be a creative outlet for me to write and work on my words. And It Was.
It was cathartic to put my inner scenes out there & get a flurry of comments. I have made friends on here. Other blogging cyber friends who I will continue to read. I also became closer to friends and family who shared that they enjoyed hearing some of the more intimate thoughts that swirl around the brain.
However as time progressed, I became acutely aware of the shortfalls of this medium for my purposes. I oftentimes wanted to share openly my most sensitive thoughts because that is what writing has always been for me. A way to work through my biggest feelings and Get Over It. Yet, I've learned that the cyber world is no place for such psychiatry. With an audience of your friends & family, one can't help but edit the emotions, which therefore takes away their power to provide personal enlightenment. I will be taking those particular troubles back to the safety of my journal, where I am now convinced they belong.
At another time I thought a blog would be an excellent platform for the sharing of opinions. Heaven knows I have a lot of them, most of them strong. Yet again, I found myself conscious of my audience. Many of which I knew firsthand disagreed with my arguments, ideas, or sometimes, took my posts as personal criticisms. I am ashamed of this, but at times I did use this blog as way to passively aggressively address those closest to me whom I disagreed with. After posting any of these, I almost always felt unease, or worse yet, pride. So gradually I came to realize that this blog was no place for that either. I care far more about the relationships in my life than I do about Being Right.
And so I have come to realize that one of the best uses of this blog for me has been using pretty words to describe things that have happened in my life, devoid of agenda. I love the feedback and the writing itself is always fun for me.
However, since becoming a mother, even this action itself has fallen short for me. I have felt torn between my own love of creative storytelling & my need to chronicle this little life for our children. Thus far, I have attempted a healthy marriage of the two, however, I feel that in doing so, I do justice to neither.
So I have decided to focus on just one. I think for me going forward, a great way to blog is simply to use it as a way to save the memories of our family. Pictures and places, mostly whats and whens. I want my next blog to be dedicated to the story of my family. I will use it as a virtual baby book, as many moms do. It will refrain mostly from idea-spouting and waxing poetic as I truly want it to be a place to update my friends and family as the goings ons. And I want it to be a gift to my children & my future self, an opportunity to recall the memories of the moments.
I am hoping this new angle will provide me more freedom to post more often. & also freedom to share with the people I care about. I am finding facebook lately to be a weak place to add content as to this end, so I am hoping this blog will fill that gap. Tomorrow will be my first post and I hope to see you (my seven friends who still even check this dusty old blog :-)) there @ Keeping Up With the Kaushagens. I promise you it will get prettier as I build it.
Thanks for reading. It's truly been a pleasure.
dedicated to the nobody who wasn't listening,
Darcy
