Top Five Fave Christmas Gifts

1. Mei Tei Baby Carrier by Baby Hawk in camouflage
Courtesy of my Dad
My little Dax LOVES to be held. And I love to oblige. I had no idea prior to his birth, but there's this whole parenting debate raging on between styles. My general philosophies of parenting tend to fall in the attachment parenting aisle. One of the principles is baby-wearing.  I've tried other carriers and they are either a) too hard to put on or b) fit like blah. BUT this one is oh-so-cute and easy and will grow with us into the toddler years.

2. China Plates from Lenox, Chirp Collection
Courtesy of My Mother
I've been collecting this adorable set since our wedding in spring 09'. They are china, washable in dishwasher, casual enough to use everyday, AND always on sale at Macy's. And every time I eat on them, I feel like the meal was something special. They are so me and Oh - So - Cute! I imagine passing them on to my unborn daughter in like 30 years.

3. Oven Mitt from Anthropologie
Courtesy of My Sister
My old mitt was greasy and gross and begging to be thrown. AND aave you shopped at Anthropologie? They make EVERYTHING cute. Everything. They make me want to buy salt shakers & hair bands & soap bars. None of which I need. All of which I want. And this one is--guess what--oh so cute!

4. Kardashian Konfidential, the book
Courtesy of My Brother
I have to admit, my brother surprised me with this one. I  LOVE LOVE the Kardashians. I DVR 'Keeping Up With the Kardashians ' and all spin offs! I like totally think these girls are like totally awesome and like totally funny and like totally gorgeous and I like totally wish they were my best friends. But the practical Taurus inside would NEVER EVER let me ask for or buy this book, considering it completely irreverent. Luckily, my brother called me out, seeing the little girl fan in me that like totally LOVES this book!

5. $200 bucks, Macy's gift card

Courtesy of My Husband

Because, let's face it, I'm a hot mess. Postpartum--I am not quite my old size and my maternity clothes are falling off of me. I need new digs. And now that I'm a SAHM, all my $ comes from my hubby. And that's weird. And I'm super cautious not to be wasteful. And sometimes that means putting me last. So luckily my hubby gave me some guilt-free cash to finally get some clothes that fit! 

What were YOUR fave gifts this year??!!

The Honeymoon's Over

The families have departed. They have come. I have gone. To them too. And now. I'm left with long days that stretch out before me. We don't live near relatives. No grandmothers take our babies on the weekends. No cousin's birthdays to attend. Not yet. And so. We are alone.

Together? Sure. Happy? Absolutely. Lonely? Sometimes...

In Minnesota, I watched my niece Nova shove her fingers in my baby's mouth. Kiss his cheek. Pat his belly. Little Dax and his little cousin--they saw each other. Faces like brand new presents. Curious. Acknowledgement. You'll be in my life forever...

I ache for what they'll miss. The everyday. The seamless weekends. Where mom and mom and nana and uncle and us we get together for goshknowswhat. Those babies will run at our feet. No big thing. This dream may never be... 

And now I have behind me. All the excitement of pregnancy & birth & new baby & who sees who when & Christmas & presents & planes. It is done. The thank you cards are stamped. Sealed. Sent.

Before me I have my itty bitty family and our endless numbered days. It is real. And it is right. But a realization none the less.

I try to live in The Now.

But I drift. I dream about the growing baby in my arms. The growing family in our future. The growing need to believe our extended family will follow us here like ducks. South for the winter. But then they stay. Stay.

Cousins: Nova & Dax

Dax & Nana Kay 

This One Might Be Broken

So our travels to the cold country went without a hitch. We decided not to traverse by car to North Dakota to save ourselves the infant car ride. I am glad we did not, although I am itching to see my grandmother.

However, I came to an icky conclusion while there. Which is only amplified by today--my first day back on the job as a stay-at-home mom. Help me! Here's the sitch...

So Dave, my husband, was of course there. And have I mentioned what an awesome Dad he is? I mean, I knew he would be, but he's better than I even thought before. He's so attentive and caring and cute with him. He walks him and rocks him and hums to him. He brings him to bed for me to nurse him in the wee hours of the night without me asking. He says to me, "Can I get you anything?" Words that make me wanna wrap my legs around his torso and hug him with my whole body.

But Dave works a lot. Like a ton. I once wrote a post about it here. Which translates into some very long days for me. However, over the holidays, we got like five whole days together. And I came to this very ugh-worthy conclusion: Dax goes to sleep much easier for Dave. Like it takes five minutes of walking and he's out like a light.

I am so annoyed by this conclusion. Firstlies, I don't have the magic hubby touch all day. It takes me walking, strolling, bouncing, nursing, swaddling, white noise--you name it--just to get Dax to sleep. And if I'm not holding him, he sleeps like 45 minutes. If I'm holding him, we can get a good 3 hours in the day. But you can imagine what that does to your to-do list.

I guess I didn't mind doing all that, but now that I saw Dave just turn Dax off like a switch, I'm left feeling like this could all be easier. Has anyone else had this problem? I'm thinking Dax can smell my milk or something and it sends him into a frenzy. I promise you, I've done exactly what my hubby does and I get results no where near that.

Secondly, at night, my guy is regularly hitting three hour stretches, but no more than that. I just read on babycenter.com on this quiz that like 60 thousand people took, that 91 percent of those parent's babies were sleeping five hour stretches regularly by three months. WTF? Dax is nowhere near this...is this survey really true???

I'm tired. Like sometimes exhausted. What were your experiences with your babies at this age of three months? Did they sleep through the night? Is mine broken? Did your hubby's have better luck than you breast-feeding mommies???

On the Road with the Wee One

Tomorrow we hop on a plane to go visit my family in the snowy Midwest. I'm a little scared, just because I haven't traveled with Dax before. He's only 11 weeks old, so I have no idea what to expect. It's weird thinking of an infant now, it definitely affects my ability to freewheel. For example, we have planned on driving to Fargo (where I grew up) on Christmas Eve for one night to see my extended family. I would love for them to meet the wee one, plus it's been years since we've been to that party.

But the last couple of nights I've been doubting my decision. First off, it's been snowing like mad up there. Normally, this would not deter me. If it were a blizzard, sure, but a little snow isn't the end of the world. But now I have a little guy to worry about. I don't want to do anything foolhardy, or needlessly dangerous. I am his protector; I take that role seriously.

Secondly, I have not yet vaccinated my guy. I'm already terrified that I'm bringing him on an airplane with god know's what germs lurk, but then to trek him across the tundra to a party with lots of people? I don't know...I meant to get to the pediatrician's office sooner than this trip, but I had not yet done the research that I wanted to on the 2 month vaccinations, so to be honest, I kind of procrastinated. He'll go for a check-up after he gets back, but until then, I don't want to needlessly expose him to whooping cough!

I don't want to be a big wuss, but my mom-stincts are telling me I perhaps should plan a separate trip to the cold plains in a few months. What do you think?

I know it will probably all be fine. I have to pump a few bottles today so I can take them on the plane. I have not yet mastered the art of not being embarrassed by breast-feeding in public. Anyway, blah blah. I am just doing a little mom worry before the trip. Any tips for success? I will be there a week.

Outside, A California Winter in Technicolor

In California, even though we are knee-deep in December, the world looks like Fall. It still feels like winter though.  The air is snippy, brisk.

Me & Dax & the cats go outside into the yard to see the golden cover of leaves...

In every frame there's an abstract picture,

or a colorful poem...

Diego, our little kitten-cat-panther-lion, follows me everywhere...

 (kitten)

 (cat)

 (panther)

 (lion)

It's so quiet outside. The absence of sound reminds me of loneliness...

Although I'm not alone...

We notice all the pretty things together...

and head back inside.

I stare at you again.  

And again...

You're so darn cute...

How'd  you get to be mine?

In this house together now. It's a brand new winter. Sparkling yellow and gold. 

We play on the floor of the nursery. We are looking from the inside-out.

(love taking photos?...click below...)