Re: Liberation

Let's free the words now, so they can come crashing down into form. These binary codes are energy transfers--heart to heart.

I'm back. I left. I know. Oh You, so much has changed...

I'm pregnant. How much bigger news can I give you? My little future me, but not at all me, is alive in me. It's 10.5 weeks old. 10.5 weeks old! omg omg omg omg omg omg...it's kinda sorta all I think about. The head track sounds like this: "I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant, should I eat this? how bout this? wait, what feeling was that? am I showing yet? is everything ok in there? I hope so. I'm pregnant. Omg I'm pregnant. This is weird. Is this real? I'm going to have a baby? Wait, omg, I'm going to have a baby! I'm excited. I'm terrified. Omg omg I'm pregnant."

And then it just kind of repeats itself. All day long. I'm sure stronger/cooler women are not so obsessive, but whatev. I'm 30 years old. I'm not trying to impress my high school friends anymore (ok that's a prolly a lie).

We found the little buggar just days after my "woes-me no-pregnancy blog." I think it pays to cry. I stand by that blog, even though my mom (I love you mom) might whisper, "I told you so..."

I believe those frustrations are very common to those trying-to-conceive. I send baby dust and love, lots and lots of love, to everyone with family dreams they are trying to fulfill. Whether it takes 3 months or 3 years, it's hard and it's heavy and it breaks the heart--month after month after month.

I also quit my job! Retail was the pits for me, excepting the peeps I worked with. It didn't make much sense to be gone for as long as I was and bring in as little as I did. I thank the sweet heavens my husband agrees. So now I got this whole new journey in front of me. I plan to use this time wisely, before I meet the little dude. I've been writing all day almost every day. It's bliss.

I apologize this whole blog is so update-y. I promise to get back to better writing as I come here more often. After being away for awhile and then reading up on those blogs, I realize how much I miss it! How cathartic it is. Now I'm refreshed, I'm renewed, I'm ready for baby bloggin ;-)! (I think I'm kidding when I say that...)

Anyway, here's my first belly picture. You can see a bit of a bump there. I'm pretty sure my growing uterus' goal was to get me to forget about the ol' flat tum as quickly as possible. Congrats uterus. You win.

Is it considered lewd to post these? I think when you're pregnant you can get away with all sorts of quasi-porn.