a somewhatwhere prayer

I've decided that we have not the money to dye my hair nor do I have the time to pluck the greys. In Minnesota my mother stands next to me in the bathroom, ruffles my hair, "Aren't you a little young to..." she trails off, leaving her question there.

I shrug out from under her hand, trying to duck the physical manifestation of Time Passing.

We are there to celebrate my sister, who has built and birthed another baby. She is a beautiful girl, tiny and quiet.

Here are our three children in a room. We clamor around them. I can't seem to get my head around the way life moves. Why doesn't everyone else seem so amazed? Yet, you must be thinking: Aren't these boring revelations? To sit around oohing at the stars, talking about infinity?

We vascillate between this lucidity and the slow sound of PJ Harvey's voice steady in the air, "Is that all there is? If that's all there is, my friends, then let's keep dancing. Let's break out the booze..."

We attend a wedding in my hometown of Fargo, North Dakota. We visit Dave's family in nearby Thief River Falls. His great-great-grandfather's homestead proudly marked "1904." Dave's father still owns the land and farms there, every season. The horizon just sits there, a cornflower blue sky floats silent & still atop the empty fields. What are we doing, running around like rats in the city?

The thought is full. For a moment. We drive back. Every choice we ever made bringing us back to what we've chosen.

I accept this dream we've built. Knowing it's ours. The dream of us. The dream of our family.

New babies & future babies we tightly love. The weddings and funerals that tick off Time for us. The grey hairs that grow. With life so full of gladness & sadness.

May all of our baggage be full of blessings. Amen.

Dax in front of his great-great-great grandfather's homestead in Thief River Falls, Minnesota

From the Trenches

Things change every day as a parent. Being a parent requires extreme flexibility. It requires quickness and sharpness of mind. It requires creativity. Being a parent, especially of young children, teaches you how to be a Buddha.

One of the main teachings of zee jolly-bellied Buddha is that attachment leads to suffering. This is so true in the parental trenches. If you are attached to a particular outcome or if you become accustomed to the way your child acts in situations, when that changes, it will lead to pain (read: insanity).

In that sense, Dax must make me a better person every day as the patience grows and grows. I have to let go of my vision of things, the way the ego WANTS things to go, and just let them BE. Parenting a baby and remaining sane requires that mentality.

If I'm saying, 'Dax will go down for a nap now and sleep for like two hours.' I try to erase it immediately and say, 'He might not nap, and if that is the case, that will be ok.' Otherwise, the mind goes berserk.

In some ways, having a baby requires you to plan MORE. But on the flip side, having a baby also requires you to plan LESS.

To adapt to the new mommyhood and keep the sanity, here's a few things done around here to maintain the Buddha brain (i.e. not lose the mind, cultivating peace instead):

1) We listen to Pandora all day long when Dax is awake and we're at home. Listening to music adds magic to the moments. It helps one use the adult brain and think adult thoughts and feel adult things. It adds background to the smiles and laughs and goings-abouts of Dax.

2) Traded cars with my husband so that we can leave every day if need be. Not sure how thrilled Dave is to be driving my no-AC little old purple pickup across San Diego county every day (p.s. I love you babe), but it sure beats the craziness that ensues if Dax and I sit home all day .

3) I sign up for my mom's groups meetups that intrigue me & agree to lots of other plans that do the same, EVEN if they are during Dax's naptimes or make his nighttime schedule a little off. I don't know how, but 92% of the time it works out just fine. I don't do it all the time, but I find that a little faith goes a long way.

4) Quit worrying about what to do about Dax in the sleep department. The kid is gunna sleep just fine someday. Right now, he's happy as ever, so what the heck does it matter? Let's just gunna ride this out and not bang the head against a brick wall for the next year or so. See how Buddha that is? Non-attachment to solutions? Check.

5) Learned to clean as the day goes. Well, gotten better. Dax is friggin messy. And this house induces hives if a couple days go by without a clutter-clean, a kitchen floor sweep, a wet mop on the tile. It gets messier, quicker. And I suck at cleaning, so this is a revelation. It's become...more habitual. Out of necessity, of course.

6) Aiming to go to bed at a decent hours, letting go of the need for solitude. I suck as a parent when tired. That must override the ridiculous need to browse the net till midnight. However, sometimes the numbness of the web is necessary. And that's ok too.

There's prolly a thousand more examples. What about you? What things help you let go and flow within the mommy moments?

inquiring minds want to know...

Letter to an Eleven-Month-Old on His Birthday

This month has been insane, buddy. Remember how we said last month was the baby proofing month for us? NOPE, this month has been the baby proofing month, as you've quickly discovered all the cracks in our system.

We have four gates, I repeat, four gates, at various points in the house. Rundown of areas in which you are not allowed: The Bathroom of Danger. The Front Room of Inescapable Problems. The Stairs of Doom. The Tiny Hallway of Cat Doo-Doo. AND The Patio of Thorns and Concrete.

We have purchased foam corners for half of our house. I remember seeing them on the shelves months ago thinking, "A little overboard people, eh?" Now that my son loves to ram his head at full-speed into any edge that might crack open his skull, I cleaned that whole shelf in an afternoon. Budget be damned.

Since your big increase in mobility, I have to love to take you out of the house.  You get uber-fussy if you're indoors all day. There's a neat little play place nearby. It has a special area just for little babies like you that are crawling, but not yet walking. It's padded (phew) and has all sorts of fun stuff for you to explore.

through the door

playing piano

You're seriously the most social kid ever. Whenever a new baby arrives in "the pen," you squint up at them with your new-toothy grin (two bottom and four top!) and point. Then you immediately crawl to them and try to hit them square in the face. I know it's a friendly love tap, but I can't imagine the other mamas are too impressed. I try to say "gentle buddy, gentle" and guide your hand, but I think you're a little too young to grasp what I'm saying.

While most babies ignore you, you connect with other similar social babies and you crawl around the play area together having fun. This month, I've gotten a few adorable glimpses of the joy your future friendships & bro-mances will bring you.

In general you don't really care for toys. In fact, you care mostly for things that are distinctly not toys. I don't know how you know the difference, but I swear you do. If it's designed specifically for you, you tend not to be too impressed. Of what you do like? The trend is: Things that make a loud noise and things that you can fall from climb or ride.

You have however found a renewed interest in books. Which of course makes me giddy, because books are my sanctuary and I hope you find peace there too. You love to turn the pages and when we read to you, you get all interested and quiet and thoughtful and you coo and point at each page. In a room full of your toys, you'll head to the bookshelf every time.

Daddy & I now take long walks in the neighborhood with you. You are so serene on these walks that Daddy & I actually get to talk to each other. We feel like we discovered a loophole :-). We stroll you to the two parks nearby our house, both of which have your fave: the baby swings!

You now wear 18 to 24 month old sized clothing. You must not be aware that YOU ARE NOT YET ONE YRS OLD, LITTLE MAN! I love dressing you so much though, anyone who says boy clothes are not adorable has not seen your wardrobe. I kick the day when you want to dress yourself.

Your nickname officially seems to be "Munchkin," because that's exactly what you are: an adorable & charming little baby who loves mischief. That's the definition of munchkin. Look it up.

this is what a munchkin looks like

Your sleep is all over the place again. I thought your naps were all set, but it's so random now. Sometimes they are three hours, sometimes they are 30 minutes. Sometimes you take two naps, sometimes you only want one.  I thought it was too early for that? I wouldn't be surprised though if you transitioned to one nap early, because as we all know, you sort of suck as a sleeper. Truth be told, I look forward to when you're officially down to one nap--I think it will be easier to manage your sucky sleeping.

I took some mommy breaks this month, which means you spent some fun time with the family. At the beginning of the month, your Nonnie took care of you for a few days in Carlsbad so mommy could go to a conference in downtown. You hung out on the beach and charmed the pants off of everyone.

Dax chillaxing on the beach with Nonnie and fams!

You weren't the best napper (surprise surprise), but your cousin Tatum would do pretty good by whisking you away and holding you and bouncing you until you fell asleep. Then she was smart enough to know that you needed to sleep right there on top of her if you were gunna sleep at all.

taking a nap on your cousin Tatum

Then later on this month, I drove with James to our cousin Katie's wedding to Vince in Pine, Arizona! AND I left you and your father to just bond all weekend long! He LOVED it & so did you! You did better than I thought you would, and that made me pretty darn happy. I think I had the hardest time of all--I missed you so much! I was literally just dying to hold you and listen to you giggle! When I got home, Daddy was schooling me on all sorts of new fun stuff about you.

While you look an awful lot like your Daddy, your Daddy says that your spirit's got an awful lot of me. For example, when you poke people and then laugh like a maniac? Your Daddy swear that comes from me! I have no idea what he's talking about :-).

Your eyes light up and you laugh when you see people you love. Your eyes are full of fire when you're excited. You bring us such ridiculous joy little buddy. What an amazing blessing to have you in our lives. I can not believe that in one month you will be one year old. Blows my flipping mind.

Breakdown in the House of Danger

This house is a minefield. It is NOT, I repeat, NOT baby-friendly. If we were looking again for a rental. I would not choose this house. I would use my big-girl brain and say, "Tile, marble, lots of steps, fireplaces? Naw....sounds like a lot of sharp corners and hard surfaces. Not a place for a baby. Let's move on babe," I would say to my lover. He would laugh and smile at me knowingly, and we would drive as fast as we could away into the San Diego sunset without another thought.

Instead, our pre-baby selves couldn't see these things, and only saw 'nice big tub, large windows, lots of light.' We put our deposit down based on "good vibes." Granted, I love this house, its windows, its vibes, being surrounded by hills and pretty landscape. I've painted it and moved furniture around to make it mine ours. But lately, I want to move into a two-bedroom apartment made out of foam. I want it to be furnished with inflatable coffee tables. I want the drawers and the cupboards to be fashioned out of bubble wrap.

Dax is insane. My precious little sweetie pie is officially the most active little 11-month-old on the entire planet. He has no sense of caution. He goes for things with all his might, as fast as he can, determined, without care for the fact that he has not the balance nor the strength yet to support his will. This causes lots of little scrapes, and owies, and oh my god, that cry! In playgroups, well-meaning mamas have observed that Dax is:
     "very physical."
     "really adventurous."
     "All-Boy."
     "Quite a handful."

Dax runcrawling in play area

Not only does he love to runcrawl all over the hard kitchen tile, it leaves his little baby knees red and tender. Yet he refuses to be deterred. Try to stop him, and he'll SCREAM bloody murder and kick his legs as if to say, "Mooommmmmm, I want to GOOOOOOO there PLZZZZ don't get in my wayyyyy!!!! So I let him back down again and figure if his knees really hurt, he wouldn't runcrawl  on the tile right?!

And he WANTS. Like really really really WANTS things. For example, I am getting ready and have to do something simple like brush my hair, and Dax sees this from afar and sprintcrawls to me with a crazed look of determination indicating that he would like to see that brush RIGHT NOW!!! And then he starts to claw at my knee, and pull himself up, whine, and pound incessantly on my thigh.

As he starts to cry, I'm wishing my hair wasn't so darn long and I'm thinking "I can't just give this kid everything he whines about." So I hide the comb, and when I do, he sees where I put it and precedes to full on break down into a mental case on the floor. And my hair still isn't brushed. And it's not even noon yet.

This continues all day long for absolutely everything I touch. Of course, sometimes I just give him the things he's aching for because it's easier, and they're safe so whatever. And sometimes I don't. And I never really know if what I'm doing is the right thing or the wrong thing and I think about that all day.

Dax with brush

What a willful child. Not sure where he got that from.

The other day, the worst thing happened and it scared me so bad that yesterday I was having little mini-panic attacks. Dax was playing in a drawer--the designated "safe drawer"--that I've left open so that he can explore, but removed all dangerous things. So there he was standing next to the drawer and then he took a step towards me, but lost his balance (because he forgot that he does not yet know how to walk at all). And he fell. Face forward. Onto the corner of the drawer. The right side of his face.  The tender bone by his eye. Hit the corner of that drawer so hard. On impact, it made my entire body ZAP with pain.

After his face hit, he fell to the floor and screamed. Louder than I've ever heard him scream. He hit that drawer right on the corner with his face. Harder than I've ever seen him hit anything. And oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my f**king gosh. Scoop up the boy and try to calm down that SCREAM. He hurt so bad he was kicking me because he didn't know what else to do. It took atleast 10 minutes before it passed.

I called everybody and sent pictures and shook with tears & guilt, while everyone assured me these things will happen. He got a nice big shiner on his eye and I'm pretty sure passerbyers are calling CPS on me.

Now the whole house looks like DANGER to me. Everything, even the walls, that are just sitting there. My little baby boy loves to climb things and throw himself into things and fall down on sharp things and it's freaking me out.

Dax's first shiner

I'm not quite sure how my mom did it. I broke everything as a kid--my leg, my collar bone (both of them on separate occasions), and my teeth (more than a few times I broke my face on steel handlebars and hills of frozen ice). My bro and sis? Sustained almost no injuries, and definitely no broken bones. Did my son inherit my risky, broken-bone prone playstyle? So far, it sure seems so...sigh...it's gunna be a long road to college.

All in the Span of Two Minutes

This kid has got some range!

I'm soooo happy!

I'm content just looking at you!

I'm bored

I'm getting antsy

I want THAT!

omg I HATE this!!!

OK everything's all right again

Another Baby

On Friday night, August 12th, our family got a little big bigger. Our hearts stretched a little bit wider to make room for another little being--my niece, born 7lbs & 2oz., little beauty Pria Ann.

can you stand HOW CUTE she is??!!

I miss her already. I will be there in Minnesota in one month to spend some time getting to know her. Until then, I cherish these phone pics my sister sends me. It kills me to not be there.

I love you, little angel. I can't wait to meet you.

Congratulations to my sis & my brother-in-law. Her family now complete: two little girls, two little sisters. Our hearts as full as the night sky, bursting with wishes.

Letter to a 10-month-old on His Birthday

You had your 9 month pediatrician appointment on July 9th. You weighed 22.5 lbs and your height is 30.5 inches. You are in the 80th percentile for weight and 95th for height. Your head is 90th percentile. You are all 'caught up' on your shots, although you never had rotavirus cause I skipped missed your two-month appt. I have a feeling I will be very busy for your 12 month vaccine-a-thon appointment.

AND you started crawling, like the day after your turned 9 months. AND my life changed! Oh kid, you are amazing. You are so darn quick; you can cross a room in seconds. You crawl and giggle and charge and snort. You put the grossest things in your mouth. You constantly want to fall down next to hard edges. This was absolutely the month of babyproofing for us. We got fences for doorways and latches for drawers and rubber mats for tubs :-).

Just days after your mastery of crawling, you started pulling yourself to stand. You're a pro now, and you 'cruise' furniture like it's nobody's business. Now you LOVE to 'help' mama pick up i.e. throw everything on the floor.

Dax 'helping' mama

You definitely must have read the textbook on baby development, because you don't do things before the book says you will nor do you do them after the book says. You are always right on target. Baby rolls over at 4 months? Check. Sit up at 6 mos.? Crawl at 9 months? Check.

Other tricks?  Pointing, playing chase (you love to chase after us in your walker and when you catch us you burst into a thousand laughs), playing with Diego (you use the cat toy to lure him and then you laugh when he goes for it), you can also go get the ball when we say, "Dax, where's the ball?" You crawl after it and then roll it to us! A genius baby!

You eat a ridiculous amount of food, child. For example, just this morning you ate half a bagel, half a banana, a handful of strawberries & raspberries, some grapes, and a bunch of Cheerios. You only want to feed yourself now--all my homemade delicious baby purees in the freezer are officially useless. If I try to spoon feed you, you shake your hands really fast and try to turn your head all the way around away from me. You also SCARF down food. Like hand over fist. Our grocery bill has noticeably increased.

You love fruit the most. There is no fruit you have not loved--mangoes, pineapple, avocado, grapes, you name it. Veggies are a bit dicey (haha) for us. In the green veggie department, I can get you to eat a few zucchini spears and perhaps a broccoli crown. You do, however, love warm sweet potato and butternut squash. You abhor cucumber, peas, and cauliflower. When you don't like something you systematically drop each piece, one by one, on the floor.

True to your Midwestern roots, you love anything made of bread or pasta. I can fix us pasta dishes and you grab a fistful and squeeze the little noodles in your mouth. You're a fan of tortilla and bagel too. You dig meat too, although we don't give you a ton. Shredded chicken or beef or sausage? You mow it down. But cheese? Not so much. What kind of baby doesn't like cheese?

Your teeth are coming in on top, but only one is showing now. You look like a pirate now. Where is that other tooth mister?

Of course, we had another busy month in the visitor department. San Diego is a magnet for friends and family in the summer. Your cousin Tatum was first up. She stayed with us for a week. She sure knows how to get you giggling.

you & Tatum & Uncle Cole

The day after Tay left, Beth & Nic came to visit you and help us get our organic garden growing. I want to make you fresh food right in our backyard buddy! They brought the coolest drawers that we hand-painted and we are going to turn into our planters, since we are only in a rental and want to take the food with us when we leave. This is you in one of our finished planters!

What does YOUR garden grow?

watching the tube with Beth & Nic

After they left, the next weekend, Dave's friend Tim came to visit. I am sad I didn't get any pics :-(.

This last month or so, I've also started switching babysitting with one of my new friends from the local mom's playgroup I joined. Her name is Christine, and she has a cutie pie little daughter named Michelle, who is just over 3 months younger than you. She, like me, loves to carry her baby in the sling, and last time she was here she had you BOTH--one in front, one in back! It was so cool.

the double carry!

In the sleep department you have made some strides. For example, you naps are pretty aaahhhhmazing. For naps, I nurse you in the rocker until you are asleep and then I gently lay you down in your crib. 95% of the time it works, you curl into your blanket and sigh. When it doesn't, I assume you aren't ready and we go about our day. You nap for 1-3 hours twice a day.

Although when that top tooth was coming in you reverted on your naps a bit, and I even got to hold you while you napped like we used to do ALL the time the first couple months. It was nice to do that again, but I'm glad we've passed it.

                                         from my camera phone, Dax napping how we used to!

At night, Daddy gives you a nice bath and then you two play for awhile. Around 9 pm I nurse you in the rocker and you sleep nicely in your crib. It is only hard for us when we travel (which seems to be alot) because we don't have a rocker, so you tend to fight it and then Mommy doesn't know what to do.

The only thing that is still haywire and fairly unpredictable is your night sleep. Early this month when that tooth was coming through we had lots of night wakings. However, most of the time, you wake up once at night around 2 a.m. Daddy then brings you to bed with us to nurse. I am so sleepy that I rarely wake back up and you sleep like an angel with us until morning, smooshed in the crook of my arm. If I'm semi-awake, after your 2 a.m. nurse, I will nudge Daddy and he will take you back to bed where you'll sleep till morning. 

You wake up for the day typically around 7 or 7:30 a.m (this is still very hard for mommy, because I am not a morning person and unfortunately this year with you hasn't changed that a bit). After that, we rise to go downstairs where I'll make breakfast with you in the sling. You love to be close to me in the mornings.

You have, for the first time this month, slept through the night on a handful of occasions. Every time, I run to the monitor to see if you're breathing :-). I hope you get better at it. We are much more used to your wakings, but a good nights sleep is the holy grail. 

This is a novel. We adore you so much little mister. Your smile and sense of humor is seriously the most joyful thing I've ever been witness to. We thank God for entrusting us with your being.

The Last of the Toothless Grins

As my son is teething lately (ps yes sleep sucks), I got a little nostalgic today looking at his adorable little toothless smile.

His top two teeth are just seconds away from peeking through those gums, so I just had to snap this shot to remember THIS SMILE!

I would bet this is one of the last shots of this! Sigh, my little boy is growing up! NOOOO!!!!!

Baby Attitude

But Moooommmmmm.....

Get a Hold of Yourself

Sometimes I feel incredibly selfish, like I can only see my thoughts and no others. I think I need to volunteer more or go to church or meditate on the subject of gratitude, because I have it so good in this life. When ill thoughts creep against my brain, I want to tear my brain out. I want to punish myself for my mopey thoughts.

Sometimes I feel like such a lesser being than others. How do other people do it? When I feel all maxed out about my baby I think of two things: 1) I have a healthy baby who is living. Key words: healthy. living. How dare I feel sorry for myself when I don't get 'me' time? And 

2) I think about the Mormons who have like 8 kids and seem to love and care for them all and take them camping and read to them all while still feeling chirpy. God must love them more, because I get a little whiney with just my one kid. They must be God's BFF because they can have 8 kids and still have the stillness to be nice to people. Which them makes me think I should convert to Mormonism or atleast go to church because perhaps I'm being punished for not being Godly enough. 

Either of these thoughts work to simply make me feel bad about myself.  

Obviously that is not helpful. 

I looked at Dax today and tried to remember a time when there was no Dax, and I couldn't do it. He has filled my whole world. I love him so much it hurts, but lately I have to admit that I've felt like I'm never going to be alone again. 

Staying home with Dax is EXACTLY what I want to be doing, but sometimes I feel all chained up and sometimes resentful--like when I watch Dax all day and then I cook dinner and then after dinner I'm still cleaning up. It's 8:30 at night and I'm thinking 'why am I still in this f**king kitchen?' How did this happen TO ME? Then I see my thoughts and feel like an old bitter housewife and then I want to buck up for feeling like that--how ungrateful of me--my life is beautiful!

How do I create an inner attitude that is more continually joyful? 

I keep hearing that quote in my head about the true character of a person is not measured when things are going right, but the true character of a person is measured when things are difficult. I feel like I'm failing this test--my true character feels weak right now. Why does it feel like everything has to be perfect for the free spirit to fly? 

And then i could conceive again...

And as I sat here in the middle of my house, staring at my laughing, crawling, smiling, bubbly little baby--I could obsess. Obsess about

what next?

this might have meant that when I saw other little tiny babies that just got born into the world that I might have thought

i want another one

but none of this mattered because breastfeeding became nature's way of stopping all kinds of conception. It worked so well that we never used a single method of protection for all of ten months and

that's a fact

not to say that you should do this too. I just happen to possess a rather flippant way of dealing with serious things. YET you absolutely could do this too but I caution you to follow the hard and fast rules of this method (LAM) and I bet you it will work, but these are whole other things. the point is

i saw red

oodles of it and because I've been obsessing about making babies but being unable to do so, I started jumping all around the house and squealing about my newfound luck. But as the novelty wore off I got hit with the feeling that was very clear:

i'm not ready to have another baby yet

and so I told my hubs we had to go back to those precautionary ways, as of which haven't been in play for over two years.

and the beat goes on...

Home Is What I Say It Is

There's something about San Diego. Lately. I've been here two years. A little over two years. And this summer has rushed me like a swarm of joy. It reminds me of the importance of Place.

I've heard people say that if you want to run away, that the You that you were will follow you. You can't escape you. No amount of beautiful geography will erase that. You're You.

I get it. I get what they are getting at. And it makes sense. But that doesn't mean a person shouldn't Just Move.

I never wanted to leave a place because I was afraid of myself.

OK. Maybe that's a lie. When I was young, and a wee little rebel kitten in Fargo, I needed to leave me behind. That little girl was broken. Innocently so. But still. The move was symbolic and necessary. I needed to erase myself. OK. Parts of myself. Parts of myself that weren't actually My Self.

And it worked. Like a charm. My wanderlust fulfilled. For a bit. So even though people say 'Don't move if it's YOU that you don't like,' I kind of disagree. I think sometimes that's EXACTLY what you need to do.

Anyway...

The circumstances weren't as dire this time around. The moments weren't nearly as electric, as we contemplated a move from Phoenix to San Diego. It was more like a dull whine. An internal metronome that progressively got faster as the years past. I wanted to. Needed to. But for no specific reasons. Just Cuz. Was Just Cause. And so we left...

Home IS where the heart is. That's what I believe is really settling with me lately. This summer brings with it waves of content. I feel like I am home. This might seem like piddel-ee-dee to some, but I can't tell you how long I've yearned for that place of rest in my heart.

When I was young, I always wanted to leave. I knew from a very young age that Fargo couldn't keep me. Is there love for my place of youth? Of course. But is it home?  Naw...  And although Phoenix kept me stationary slash still for awhile, I knew it wasn't where my roots would grow.

So Here I Am. I guess that's all I'm saying. That it feels good. I can see our family growing here for years. I can see this landscape filling up our memories. That feels good to be where I want to be. Finally.

I'm also saying that there's some kind of weird internal compass inside of each person and sometimes when it wants to move, it simply wants to move, and it doesn't mean you're trying to run from anything. It simply is what is and no more. Sometimes it's ok to just go there. Because your heart said so. 

Downtown San Diego skyline viewed from Harbor Island

Babyproofing can be pretty

Dax in the big boy tub!

Letter to a Nine-Month-Old on His Birthday, Part Two

Ok, after we got back...We left to Arizona (i'm tired just typing all of this). You took your first long car ride (6 hours) with your Uncle Cole and I. You slept mostly. I think I stressed more than you.

We went to see your Aunt Stacy, Uncle Cleon, Nova, and the Phoenix family. You swam in your Nonni Mary and Grandpa's pool for the first time. Your Nonni bought you this super cool inflatable thingy that you put your legs in and you would just kick and kick and try to play with everybody.

Unfortunately this round, you pretty much wanted to hang out with your cousin Nova and she wasn't too interested in hanging out with you. You'd get all excited when she got near, but she's a pretty busy toddler and couldn't wait around, so you'd always just watch and wait for her to come back.

A couple of my old school friends stopped by too. Of course Beth was there, but you got to meet Brissa too. Brissa is my oldest friend from Phoenix, we met when I was 19--that's 13 years ago! Me & Beth & Brissa used to live together and work together in college. Now we're all growed up! Brissa has a baby now, Marina, who is 14 months old. You were kind of smitten by her.

Dax & Marina

I was so glad we got this photo below. I think we should photoshop Daddy in.

Beth and her husband Nic, Brissa and her husband Al, Brissa's stepdaughter Bella and her daughter Marina, me & Dax

My friend Kasey drove us back to San Diego and stayed with us a few days. She adores you and loves spending time with you. We took you to the beach in Del Mar, which is the closest beach to our house.

To top it off we went to your cousin Jack's birthday party up in San Clemente and then a fourth of July party down on Harbor Island with the Placidos the next day. Jack is a busy toddler too and you also loved him, but he's super busy and can't wait, just like Nova. We squished you two together just to get this one shot.

And then he was gone!

It's ok. You'll catch up buddy. Soon enough you'll be walking and be able to hang with the toddlers :-)!

We love you. Thanks for being such a 'go with the flow' kid. We have a lot of visitors here in San Diego in the summer and the ability to go with the flow is a skill I treasure in you.

Letter to a Nine-Month-Old on His Birthday, Part One

What didn't you do this month kid?!

First off, you're all sorts of global now. You had to get a little baby passport so that we could go on a cruise through the Southern Caribbean with the fams (ps baby passports are hilarious). We've been planning this since even before I had you in my belly, and it was amazing to see it come to fruition. Who went? Grandpa Gary, Nonni Mary, Aunt Age, Uncle Tony, Uncle Cole, your cousin Tatum, and your Daddy and me and you.

This is the whole crew in St. Maarten, a little half-Dutch half-French island in the Caribbean.

You were so amazing on the cruise. You were probably the youngest little dude on the entire ship of over 2,500 passengers, because they don't let anyone under 6 months on the cruise. And not many people are silly enough to take their little mini baby, 8 months old, on a Caribbean cruise, so there you were!  It worked out so well though because all of the workers on the ship just oohed and aahed over you. I think they miss their families because they are working on the ship for so long. Many of the workers knew your name and would visit you at our table.

I think men in other countries connect with babies more than in America because no one was embarrassed to play with you. One night when you didn't make it to dinner because you were napping, two of our waiters came up to us and said, "Where's Dax? I'm so sad he's not here, I was looking forward to it all day!" Another waiter said, "I really miss him, I hope he makes it tomorrow." And they were genuine. Of course, you loved all the attention--you are such a good-natured charmer and you just smile at everyone and try to grab their hands. Strangers are your favorite, so on a ship-full of them, you were in heaven.

Off the ship, you just went with the flow. If you were tired, you napped, where ever you happened to be.

in the car with Nonni

at the beach with Aunt Age

walking with Daddy

Daddy and I were so lucky to have babysitters on hand that we frequently snuck away!

playing Bingo

We were sad when the trip ended, but glad to get home. You were an ok traveler on the way back--from Puerto Rico to Philly you slept, but then we had our worst plane ride (of the dozen or so you've taken since birth) from Philly to San Diego. You were awake and fussy for about five and a half hours. Daddy and I kept trying to entertain you, but you definitely wanted off that plane! You didn't cry or anything, but it was hard to keep you relaxed. But pretty good for a full day of travel! We couldn't ask for a better baby, really.

You had some FIRSTS on the cruise:
1) first taste of bread (you are definitely in touch with your Midwestern roots because you LOVE it)
2) first taste of chicken
3) first dip in the ocean (what kid gets a first dip in Antigua for pete's sake!?)
4) first word is.....mamamamamamaMOMmammaMOMMMM!!

We love you so much! Good job buddy.