Naming the Blank Nothing

It's weeks like these, we roll up into ourselves.
We gather our arms inward, into the deep
dark, the unmoving silence.
We try not to let the fear grip us, the impossibility
of life's lightness moving us.
I feel so silent and sad,
so frustrated with the present.

We laugh as the television blinks on and off
our faces, the bone smile of your smile
can make me fly out of winter.
for now I need you
tangled in my arms.

I ache
today like the
entire world as if the
entire world's sadness
could break me.
i want to
back up
back down
back bone
grow...

You're sleeping.
I want to make you tea.
Put our hearts at ease.
Love, what is that unknown thing?

My words struggle to find
their syncopation. They're out of step,
out of line.
I start them
I fail them
I let them fall out of my mouth
into the crawl space between
now
and now.

What (i think and i think) i'm trying to think is
i'm so scared and so not scared of everything.

I can hear you breathing
"Let's tear down the night anyway."