San Francisco Snippets

What to say? You are beloved, frenzied, urban, and hip. You make me marvel at humans (look what we've done)...

Your downtown teems with the homeless, the toothless, the piles of stacked concrete and glass, the saturated color, the clipped wind, and the loud sharp ring of those quinnessential cable cars. I was sometimes scared; I was alive in my bones.

We trekked all over that city, holding hands. I loved being with you, having your full attention, your whole being. It was the most fun I've had since our honeymoon--exactly one year ago. We are the best travelers together. (together. we're better. always).

Until the next time, here's some pics from my Pentax Kx DSLR...she loved San Fran as much as we did....

 

  

                  

On this paper heart i pledge...

Dave and I are headed out tomorrow to San Francisco for an extended weekend. It's been one year since we tied the knot. One year since we committed, in advance, to a lifetime together. Of all the eight years we've been together, this year, in my heart, has been the easiest. Not that it was ever hard to love Dave. No, it's always felt like coming home. And yes, the first couple years, we had bumps, growing pains, as we merged. But then the months smoothed into years and I was yours--turned inside-out by our love--and truly, hasn't it always been easy? But this year, yes, has been the best...

I've always been practical I guess, guarding my heart from disaster. Even as our lives braided around each other, a tight knot of friends and family and love. I still kept myself safe. I didn't even realize it--the epiphany coming like a slow dawn this whole year. But I know now: I let go up there on that beautiful day on that beautiful lake. That day. April 18th, 2009. Something shifted in the heart when I said, "I promise to love you forever and ever." The formality of it--the food, the dance, the dress--that was just a bonus. Mostly, I remember pledging myself to you. To us. I'm all in, baby. I'm all in. A complete fall. That commitment has freed me to feel the most profound connection to you. The effect: like a giant ripple, deepening my love for everything.

This love

Cracks my heart open

and pours out my pores.

This love gathers

youmeyoumeyoume

and expands.

Dear heart,

I love that you

ignore the boundaries of the body.

Don't come back.

I'm not afraid. to let you.

Be.

Operation Self-Discipline

So Dave and I are experimenting a bit with our lives. He's working his ass off. And due to the results of his hard work, we were able to free me from my bullshit pursuits (i.e. jobs that get me no nearer my dreams). It's been two months. Let me tell you about it...

I am bird. Taking my creativity into my palms, making it mine day in and day out. Yet. When your days are yours and yours alone, you can't just bask in the sun. You'll rot inside. And so. I've launched Operation Self-Discipline. Some days I win. Some days I fail.

My New Work Life

1) So, each day, I must write. Not blog. Write. For at least one hour.

I am working on a collection of twelve short stories. Fiction. I have almost two done. I think the first one sucks. I am in love with the second. Each day makes me more hopeful. Stronger.

I also take time each day to study writing. I read short stories, break down their structure, highlight and underline. I also read writing advice books--internalizing what sounds right.

2) I am putting paintings up on Etsy. I sold two paintings, just posted a third, almost done with the fourth. When I post it, I'll post pics. That's a promise. I just want my store to be more full when I unveil.

Each day I must also put time into my art. At least an hour. I swear, when my music is on and I have that brush in my hand, I'm so at peace--so in love with the world.

I try to study art daily too. Read the manual for my new DSLR camera. Ugh. So dry.

3) Healthy eating and exercise. See-saw on the healthy eating, but much better than a year ago. I also attend prenatal pilates twice a week. Prenatal yoga hopefully starts next week.

4) Volunteering. I volunteer at least once a week with Voice for Children. I work with a girl in foster care. I "help" her by simply being there. This whole paragraph seems gratutious. But truly, it's important to me to do something NOT for me.

And there it is.

I feel so blessed to have this opportunity to focus on writing and art (let alone health and altruism). It is the actualization of a lifelong dream. The process itself fills me to the brim with gratitude. I believe that dreams are possible. I believe that if you put in the time, you can manifest your goals. I thank God that I have a husband that believes the same thing. And that he believes in me.

On the downside, I'm hella lonely! Not only do we still lack a thick social network here in San Diego, but without work, I'm by myself ALL THE TIME! Due to my preggo situation, I can't even comfort myself with booze.

And so, it's Friday night--I turn to you!